This week on the JDL: Things get ugly in Columbia. Just kidding, that shithole was already hideous.
There hasn’t been much to be excited about in Gamecock land this season, however the ever-optimistic fans of those garnet clad chickens now have high hopes for the future. For some reason, the Gamecock faithful are under the impression that their head coaching job is one of the best openings in the country. This is even after the Missouri job opened up. For the uninitiated, the Missouri Tigers have won twice as many division championships in their brief history in the SEC than the University of Carolina Gamecocks have in their long, painful history in the SEC.
In spite of the variety of coaching positions that are now open, the Gamecock faithful believe that they are the favorite for rookie head coach Tom Herman, who has his Houston Cougars firing on all cylinders this year. A year ago today, Herman was the offensive coordinator of the Ohio State in the midst of a surprising title run. The success this year of the Houston football program is largely being attributed to Herman, because apparently nobody learned their lesson with Bill Belichick’s assistant coaches. Other Urban Meyer assistants who have gone on to become a head coach include Gary Andersen, Kyle Whittingham, and Charlie Strong. It’s a veritable who’s who of the college coaching elite. It is rumored that Herman has a very close relationship with current Ohio State backup/starter/backup QB Cardale Jones.
Because of this close connection, the always optimistic Gamecock hopeful are hopeful that they will not only pull off a massive coup by signing Herman to take over their program in the wake of Steve Spurrier’s impromptu “retirement,” but they also think that they could land a National Championship winning QB in Jones. This move would make a lot of sense for Jones. He already has one National Championship, so he doesn’t need to be in contention for another. Additionally, we all know how Cardale feels about academics
South Carolina fan’s hopes were dealt a serious blow when Cardale Jones made it clear that he intended on declaring for the NFL draft after the Buckeye’s disappointing loss to Michigan State on Saturday, however the ever optimistic Gamecock faithful preferred to remain hopeful that Jones was going to forego his Scarlet and Gray for Garnet and Black.
While the ceaselessly optimistic South Carolina fans are hopeful that Tom Herman will be their next coach, the JDL has insider reports that they are looking in a different direction. Former Head Ball Coach Steve Spurrier put the University of South Carolina football team in a bit of a bind with his sudden and untimely resignation. With very little talent to work with and even less on the horizon, IHBC (Interim Head Ball Coach) Shawn Elliott was put in the awkward position of trying to steer the struggling Gamecocks to a Bowl Berth in hopes of Daboing his way into a head coaching position. Those hopes were smothered after the Citadel Bulldogs upset the Gamecocks in their home stadium. After initial reports surfaced that current Houston head coach Tod Herman was the leading candidate, a new front runner has surfaced in the unlikely form of Tommy Bowden.
A representative of the Athletic Department gave some justification for the surprising turn of events, “Well, we realize that with Steve gone and Mark Richt likely out after this season our chances of beating Florida and Georgia are basically out the window. We need to get back to the basics and concentrate on what is important to our fans: bragging rights. Once we narrowed down our criteria by priority, Tommy Bowden became the obvious choice. We want to beat Clemson, and nobody has shown a better knack for that than Tommy.”
We were able to get in touch with Tommy and we asked about his interest level. He said that he’d be very interested in the job. When asked why he would want to follow in the footsteps of the most successful coach in Gamecock history, Tommy said “Well I’m pretty happy right now with my job at the ACCDN since it allows me to pretend like I’m knowledgeable about football and strategy, but then it isn’t great to be constantly reminded that one of my former assistants has turned the football program that I once coached into a legitimate powerhouse”.
We reached out to “Dr.” Lou Holth to get his opinion on the potential hire. Lou was very supportive of the idea, “Tommy ith really a thwell candidate. He hath thome of the betht thchemeth that I’ve ever theen. Thomething that really can’t be overthated with Tommy is hith knack for getting hith playerth ready to play. We had out differentheth when we coached head to head, but I think that he really ith the thalt of the Earth. Heth ethactly what the Thouth Carolina fanth need to get back to the bathicth.”
As a former coach at The University of South Carolina and a respected analyst, Lou’s opinion holds almost as much weight as his microphone sponge does. I’m sure that the powers that be are taking him very theriothly…or…seriously.
In a final blow to Carolina pride this week, the Gamecocks were spurned by one of their top recruits for the 2016 recruiting cycle. 4* wide receiver prospect Bryan Edwards announced that he was re-opening his recruitment and immediately took an unofficial visit to Clemson for the final home game of the season. You can’t blame the kid for wanting to watch the home team win for once. The timing for this was a bit suspicious, sort of like your girlfriend tells you that “she wants to take a break” and then coincidentally has plans for that night.
There is a silver lining for South Carolina fans in the decommitment. Even though Edwards is about as likely to play for the Gamecocks as I am, there is reason to be hopeful. Clemson is primarily interested in Edwards as a defensive back since they have a well stocked cupboard at wide receiver, so there is actually a very good chance that Edwards could end up catching several TD passes from whoever the Gamecocks are trotting out at QB by then. Who knows, maybe it’ll be Cardale Jones!